Thursday, August 21, 2008


Yesterday evening Karl and I got some news from his Mother that Karl’s youngest brother is getting married and also having a child. Instead of me being happy I threw a tantrum. I was angry because she was having a baby and not me. See almost 2 years ago I miscarried 2 babies, So after feeling sorry for myself I realized I wasn’t angry or upset about them getting married or having a baby. God made me realize that I was upset because Travis and I have never been accepted into their family we have always been the outcast. He also made me see that I thought if I had an Ashby heir then we would be accepted well, I was wrong. God made me see that I can’t be in their circle because I am in the family of God and they are sinners. As Christians we can’t fit into the sinners world. So as I cried out I asked God to forgive my angry heart and to fill it with contentment and joy. I have realized that I need to stop trying to be the daughter they desire (my husbands family) and walk away and let God work in there hearts, all I can do is pray fervently for there salvation. I am so glad that our Lord is a forgiving God. I found a verse Psalms 86:5 O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask your aid. When I kept reading that verse I thought to myself I am so thankful that I have a God who is loving and easy to forgive me of my failures and that all I have to do is ask and He will help me through it.


Denise said...

Bless your dear heart, wrapping you in huge hugs and prayers.

Missy said...

I'm sorry Heather. I know that must be hard. But I am gllad for you that God brought you to a place last night that revealed more of Him and less of you.
That is a hard place to come to.

Keep praying for your lost family members, ultimatly that is all that matters.

Hope you are having a GREAT day!!!

Marsha said...

I'm praying for you, sweetie. I know you've lost a lot of babies over the years. That's such a hard place to be. I can't even fathom. BP (Bethany) that we blog with lost a baby to miscarriage several years ago. Back in January she sent me her testimony to share with others that have lost babies. I know she wouldn't mind me sharing it with you.

I'm so glad the God of all comfort is speaking to you.

Love you.

Nancie said...

You are in my prayers, Heather. May God continue to keep you near to Him and bless you abundantly! Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Is being in the "family of God" also what makes you so condescending?

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